lol.php

<?php

class × {
    static function ¼($n) {
        return $n/4;
    }

    static function ½($n) {
        return $n/2;
    }

    static function ¾($n) {
        return $n * 3 / 4;
    }

    static function ²($n) {
        return $n * $n;
    }

    static function ³($n) {
        return self::²($n) * $n;
    }
}

class ¥£ {
    function __construct($¤) {
        $this->¤ = $¤;
    }
}

test.php

<?php

require 'lol.php';

$¿ = ×::²(5);
printf("5 x 5 = %d\n", $¿);
// 5 x 5 = 25

$¢ = new ¥£(×::½(7));
printf("%f\n", $¢->¤);
// 3.500000